Saturday, April 27, 2013

But She Died

I don't remember the topic, but I do remember the question; Has God ever disappointed you?
Seated in pretense, the entire class shook their pious heads and delivered the expected answer;  NO!
Me? Not so much!  I sat silent, but my soul screamed loud... YES. YES. YES, HE HAS.
He made me a promise and gave me scripture to back it. He spoke to me in dreams. He verified it
through circumstances that aligned with his word.
He said she would live.

But she died.

I remember staring into her eyes as she sat across the table from me that day.  I tried to sear those blue waters into my memory. I didn't want to forget her eyes. I DIDN'T WANT TO FORGET HER EYES. I wanted to always be able to look into her soul and touch her spirit. 

But she died!

Thanks for nothing, God!  Where's the back door, I would like to leave now. And by the way, how am I supposed to ever recognize your voice again?

I was catapulted into immediate despondency.  What if I was wrong? What if it's my fault she is in some hellish place? She believed me, she trusted me, what if I had mislead her?  What if I was wrong in my interpretation of scripture and salvation? Worse, what if I was wrong about God himself?
Fortunately, The Lord didn't leave me in the valley of doubt and despair very long--

Linda, Linda, "have I been with you this long and still you don't know me"?
John 14:9

Yes, LORD, I know you. You are The Christ.
Mark 8:29

You have the words of eternal life, to whom else would I go?
John 6:68

In the end, I realized I had exchanged his definition of answered prayer for mine. I was guilty of selective faith, what I had considered loss, he considered gain.

Hope never disappoints.
Romans 5:5