Alone, with the mist of mornings fog settling on my soul and a humidity that's heavy on my heart.
Alone, because I have looked for completion and contentment in all the wrong places.
Painful years filled with widow's tears, empty spaces spent on bent knees for pleading graces. And loneliness, and unmet needs, and barren cleaving, and broken heart, and weary hope.
He is a quiet man, this husband of mine. He doesn't talk much and I usually have to do his social and emotional work for him.
I have wrestled with God over the silence of this widowed wilderness. Countless days and nights have pushed me through a verbally voided chasm of the non-cleaved and I have acquired more than a wrenched hip, I have also inherited a bitter spirit.
There is a lot of talk about soul mates these days, and somehow we have bought the lie. The delusion that mortal marriages are capable of consummate unity.
"But it's impossible for someone to come into our lives and complete all the areas he or she was never meant to complete...unless we draw from Jesus, we will demand more from each other than we were designed to give. We can't make people the source of all of our encouragement and love. They can't handle the job. They're not made for it." 1
Might we consider today a different spouse, a holier husband?
"In that day," declares the LORD you will call me 'my husband'. 2
I see you with a steady eye, because My attention span is infinite. I know and understand you completely; My thoughts embrace you in everlasting love. Be aware that I am fully attentive to you." 3
1 The well, Mark Hall, pg 69-71
2 ISHI, Hebrew for Husband, Hosea 2:16
3 Jesus Calling, Sarah Young, pg 2, January 1