Wednesday, October 16, 2013


I am alone on my porch with only the weak thrum of distant cricket on forest floor and occasional tired song of Autumn's bird.

Alone, with the mist of mornings fog settling on my soul and a humidity that's heavy on my heart.

Alone, because I have looked for completion and contentment in all the wrong places.

Painful years filled with widow's tears, empty spaces spent on bent knees for pleading graces. And loneliness, and unmet needs, and barren cleaving, and broken heart, and weary hope.

He is a quiet man, this husband of mine. He doesn't talk much and I usually have to do his social and emotional work for him.

I have wrestled with God over the silence of this widowed wilderness. Countless days and nights have pushed me through a verbally voided chasm of the non-cleaved and I have acquired more than a wrenched hip, I have also inherited a bitter spirit.

There is a lot of talk about soul mates these days, and somehow we have bought the lie. The delusion that mortal marriages are capable of consummate unity.

"But it's impossible for someone to come into our lives and complete all the areas he or she was never meant to complete...unless we draw from Jesus, we will demand more from each other than we were designed to give. We can't make people the source of all of our encouragement and love. They can't handle the job. They're not made for it."   1

Might we consider today a different spouse, a holier husband?

"In that day," declares the LORD you will call me 'my husband'.   2

I see you with a steady eye, because My attention span is infinite. I know and understand you completely; My thoughts embrace you in everlasting love. Be aware that I am fully attentive to you."  3



1  The well, Mark Hall, pg 69-71
2  ISHI, Hebrew for Husband, Hosea 2:16
3  Jesus Calling, Sarah Young, pg 2, January 1


Anonymous said...

I could relate to your blog. When I was first married my husband came to me and said, "I never promised to ride you off into the sunset. If you want to be happy, you will need to make yourself happy." What??? I had only been married to him less than a month. 30 years later, I understand what he meant. And I have found Christ. He is the Only One who complete in me what I can't get from my husband or any other. Thanks for sharing. Praying for you.

Lauren said...

Beautiful! So true that we look for a #perfectlove in all of the places except where it is... In God. Thanks for sharing!
Lauren, P31 OBS Blog Hop team

Bronda Boley said...

Beautifully written! Much food for thought here.

Liz Nunn said...

Thank you this is beautiful! I am really blessed. Some how I felt a rest and a quiet in reading this. God truly is holding you. Thank you! Liz

Colleen Jones said...

This is beautifully written. I am looking at it from the side of singleness and think, if only....then I would be.... My fulfillment can only come from the perfect love of Christ.

Blogger Loves The King said...

Julie, I remember Melissa Taylor saying that "God is ENOUGH". We have to believe that in those quiet times, in those hard times, in those tough times. Thanks for sharing #hisperfectlove. Debbie W. (OBS Facebook Group Leader)

Leslie said...

Thank you so much for sharing this. It spoke directly to my heart. I am oh, so very slowly learning that God IS enough, with my heart, not just my head. Bless you!